


Golden End

by isurani



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Helper Himari Au, the world's number one hagu stan hurts her once again!, tw: depictions of fatal injuries?, tw: just general HH bullshit, tw: mentions of death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:23:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isurani/pseuds/isurani
Summary: Hagumi definitely, definitely, definitely wasn't scared. Not at all.





	1. True Color

**Author's Note:**

> "the girl with the most potential for angst?
> 
> Hagumi
> 
> change my mind" - Helper Himari, 2018
> 
> ~~  
> its a Helper Himari fic im sorry. anyway Hagu could have saved us all with her smile and i cry thinking about it  
> anyway this is set where they know what Yukina's challenge was and why Tomoe did what she did

When Hagumi woke up, not knowing where she was or how she had gotten there, she definitely, definitely, definitely wasn’t scared. Not at all.

Why would she be scared? Everyone who was with her and talking to her were super nice. Even the ones who seemed a bit less friendly!

It was fun, exploring with everyone and solving codes. Hagumi wasn’t very good at it, but she could cheer on everyone else, and that was fun enough!

~

When Hagumi heard what would happen to them, she definitely, definitely, definitely wasn’t scared. Not at all.

Everyone suddenly stopped being happy when they were told about “Challenges”, and that made Hagumi sad. It would be real bad if everyone stopped being happy, so Hagumi put on a big smile to cheer everyone up.

It didn’t really seem to work, but she smiled and smiled, and eventually the mood got a bit better. So Hagumi was happy.

Someone named Kaoru-san was chosen for the first Challenge, but Hagumi was certain that she would come back just fine. Kaoru-san was cool and mysterious, and Hagumi wanted to be friends with her, so Kaoru-san would have to come back!

And she did, so Hagumi was happy.

The next day, someone named Kokoro-chan was chosen, and Hagumi gave her a real big smile as she left, because Kokoro-chan had said to smile once she came back. And if Hagumi smiled right now, then that was already good luck, right?

Kokoro-chan came back super super fast, and Hagumi gave a bigger smile than she thought possible.

This had to be easy! Hagumi hoped she would be chosen next.

~

When Hagumi stared at the dark red that painted a cold, unmoving rock, she definitely, definitely, definitely wasn’t scared. Not at all.

Big, ugly tears streaked down her face. It wasn’t _fair_. Kaoru-san was safe. She shouldn’t have been hurt like that, and neither should have Chisato-san.

Hagumi liked fair games. She could play, and she could win, and even if she didn’t she would have a really fun time with everyone.

This wasn’t fun. It hurt.

But Kokoro-chan walked over to Hagumi and gave her a smile as big as Hagumi’s had been yesterday, and gave her a big hug.

“Don’t cry,” said Kokoro-chan. “If you cry, then Chisato and Kaoru will be sad! We don’t want them to be sad, do we?”

“No,” Hagumi said, but her voice broke as she said it.

“Let’s smile! So Chisato and Kaoru will be super happy!”

Hagumi smiled, and she felt a little bit better.

~

When Tae-san didn’t come back

When Hina-senpai didn’t come back

When Sayo-senpai didn’t come back

Hagumi definitely, definitely, definitely wasn’t scared. Not at all.

She didn’t cry. She wouldn’t cry.

She couldn’t cry.

So she didn’t.

~

Himari-chan came back, talking about a word search. That seemed easy! Hagumi had never been very good at them, but she didn’t do a lot of them anyway. Then Himari-chan mentioned Tae-san and Hina-senpai and Sayo-senpai and Hagumi decided that she was happy just thinking about word searches.

Arisa-san came back, ranting about lasers and legs and needles. Hagumi didn’t understand much of it, but she gave a big smile anyway. Arisa-san didn’t thank her, but she gave a “hmph”, and Hagumi took it as the same thing.

Misaki-chan came back, and she pushed past them all, mumbling about needing to vomit. When she came back later that night, with pale skin and paranoid eyes, Hagumi hugged her until Misaki-chan fell asleep.

And Hagumi definitely, definitely, definitely wasn’t scared of the next day.

Not at all.

~

“It’s...Hagumi’s card…”

When Hagumi heard her own name, she definitely, definitely, definitely wasn’t scared.

She really meant it this time.

Even if Tomoe-san wasn’t there, and there were five less of them then there should be, it was all fine.

“Okay! Hagumi will be back soon~”

“Be careful, Hagumi!”

Hagumi smiled.

She wasn’t scared. Not with everyone cheering her on.

Not at all.

~

“Tomoe-san!”

There she was! And she looked fine, too!

Ako-chan would be happy!

“...ah, so you were chosen…” Tomoe-san didn’t face Hagumi. Was she okay?

Ah, the Voice had said for no one to follow Hagumi! She was in danger!

“Tomoe-san, why are you here? You could get real hurt! You should go back!” Hagumi cried. She didn’t want to watch anyone else get hurt!

Tomoe-san gave a small, sad laugh.

“There’s not much I can do, Hagumi.”

“Eh?”

“After all…”

Tomoe-san put her fists up, taking a deep breath.

“I’m your Challenge.”

[Hagumi Kitazawa, your Challenge is to defeat Tomoe Udagawa.]

Hagumi didn’t move, even as the distorted and crackling voice finished.

Tomoe-san ran at Hagumi, and Hagumi flinched.

“Why?!” she yelled instead of moving. “Hagumi doesn’t want anyone to get hurt!”

Tomoe-san didn’t look at Hagumi as she threw a punch, Hagumi catching it with both hands.

“Don’t, Tomoe-san!” Hagumi pushed Tomoe-san back with all her strength, dodging the wild punch that followed. She ran, attempting to gain as much distance as possible.

“Hagumi doesn’t get it! Tomoe-san shouldn’t try to hurt anyone!”  
  
Tomoe-san drew back her fist, eyes determined.

“If I don’t put my all into killing you, Ako will die!” Hagumi ducked under the strike, eyes wide.

“B-but, if Hagumi defeats you, you might…!”  
  
“It doesn’t matter what happens to me!” A kick, this time - one that Hagumi didn’t manage to block. She was struck in the chest, collapsing onto the ground. “I can’t let Ako get hurt!”

Hagumi pushed herself up, her arms shaking.

“This isn’t right! Tomoe-san, please listen to me!”

“You know what happened to Sayo and Hina!” Hagumi paled. “I can’t let that happen! Not to her!”

Hagumi took short, shallow breaths, trying to think of something, anything. She couldn’t let this happen. If the Voice could use Tomoe-san like this, then next it might be Lisa-san, or Maya-san, or anyone.

Hagumi imagined fighting Kokoro-chan.

She imagined Kokoro-chan’s blood flowing like Kaoru-san’s.

“Well? Are you going to fight me?”

Hagumi stood tall on shaking legs.

“W-what if it was Ran-san, Tomoe-san? O-or Tsugu-chan? Or Moca-chan? Or Himari-chan? What then?” This was her one shot. Hagumi’s hands shook like her courage, but she continued to stand tall.

“If they were in danger, I would protect them. I don’t know what you’re asking, Hagumi.”

A breath. In, out. In, out.

“Would you kill them for Ako-chan, Tomoe-san?”

Silence. Hagumi took a step towards Tomoe-san. At no reaction, she took another, and another, until she was close enough.

“Of course,” Tomoe-san said much too late to be convincing. “I’d...I’d do anything for her…”

“It isn’t right, Tomoe-san! Hagumi doesn’t want you to hurt anyone, or to get hurt! So that’s why...so that’s why..!”

It was as close as she was going to get.

Hagumi lunged for Tomoe-san’s neck, holding it in the tightest grip she could manage.

“You-!” Tomoe-san was cut off, gasping for breath. She reached for her right boot desperately.

“It’s okay, Tomoe-san! It’s okay!” Hagumi cried, trying her best to sound comforting despite what she was doing.

Tomoe-san struggled. It felt strange, to have her heartbeat pounding under Hagumi’s palms. If she did this wrong...if she _wanted_ to do this wrong…

No! Hagumi could never do that!

Hagumi moved behind Tomoe-san, wrapping an arm around her neck. She had to keep going. For Ako-chan, and for everyone.

“Hagumi will protect Ako-chan, too,” Hagumi said. Tomoe-san looked at her, rage and betrayal in her eyes.

She didn’t understand, did she?

Everything was going to be fine.

Tomoe-san went limp under Hagumi’s arms, and Hagumi let go.

[Congratulations, Hagumi Kitazawa. You have completed your Challenge. Return to the Ceremony Hall.]

“What about Tomoe-san?”

[Tomoe Udagawa will be disposed of -]

“Tomoe-san isn’t dead! Hagumi wouldn’t do that!”

[Then you haven’t completed your Challenge, Hagumi Kitazawa.]

“That’s not right either!” Hagumi curled her hands into fists as her heart continued to pound faster than it should. “You told Hagumi to defeat Tomoe-san, not kill her! And Hagumi did that! So it’s fine!”

[...I suppose you are correct. Congratulations, Hagumi Kitazawa. Return to the Ceremony Hall.]

Hagumi walked over to Tomoe-san, checking that her heart continued the _thump thump thump_ that she pinned all her hopes on each day.

She scooped up Tomoe-san in her arms, struggling a small amount.

It was time to go back to everyone, and to smile.

~

When she came back, everyone’s smiles greeted her.

“Hagumi, you’re back!” Kokoro-chan cheered. Hagumi smiled.

“Onee-chan?” Ako-chan ran forward, looking at the girl in Hagumi’s arms.

“She was Hagumi’s challenge! Hagumi had to defeat her, but everything is fine now~”

Tomoe-san’s eyes fluttered open as Hagumi put her down, and small tears appeared in Ako-chan’s eyes.

“Ako…?”

“Onee-chan!”  
  
Ako-chan hugged Tomoe-san, and Hagumi gave an even bigger smile.

Everyone circled the three of them, and Hagumi felt pride swell up in her chest.

“We knew you could do it,” said Yukina-san.

“We’re really doing well, aren’t we?” asked Himari-chan.

“Yeah, yeah! We’ll all get out at this rate!” cheered Ka-kun.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Arisa-san muttered.

“Ahaha, thanks guys~ But I didn’t really do much!” Hagumi said, blushing.

“Nonsense. Hagumi-chan, it was your smile that brought us through this challenge.”

Hagumi’s cheeks were burning, but her smile stretched from ear to ear.

“Thanks, Kaoru-kun!”

“Now, now, let’s not embarass her, Kaoru,” Chisato-san said.

“I can’t wait to go home~” Tae-san said. “The rabbits must be worried.”

And Sayo-senpai and Hina-senpai smiled and said

~

_Snap._

She didn’t have the right color blue.

Hagumi didn’t have the right color blue for their hair.

The picture wasn’t _right_ now. Not without the blue.

Hagumi stared at the shards of the sky blue colored pencil.

Why couldn’t it just be right?

They were all supposed to be there, circling Hagumi, smiling wide and full of happiness.

But no, Kaoru-san’s hair wasn’t right, and the yellow on Chisato-san was _too_ yellow, and Tae-san looked sad with pitch black hair and eyes, and…

And it wouldn’t change anything, would it?

They weren’t coming back.

Hagumi knew what the word “killed” meant. She knew what “dead” meant.

But if she just pretended that they were just hurt, that they’d come back any day now, everything hurt a lot less.

It’d hurt a lot less, when Kokoro-chan was chosen again and didn’t come back.

It’d hurt a lot less, when she would wave goodbye to Ka-kun for the last time.

It’d hurt a lot less, when Hagumi’s name was said and this time it wasn’t something she could fix.

It’d hurt a lot less-

Tears dripped onto the picture of everyone, creating big, ugly marks. Tae-san’s face became warped. Hina-senpai’s head looked bigger than her body. Sayo-senpai’s legs had run into one big stream of grey.

Hagumi pushed the paper to the side, along with the four other copies of it.

Maybe this time, she’d convince herself.

She picked up the pencil again.

 

_When Hagumi drew all her friends smiling and waving goodbye, her heart definitely, definitely, definitely didn’t break._

_Not at all._


	2. A Distant Heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The words that came out of her mouth were mixed tears and red blood, and they all meant nothing in the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bet yall weren't expecting THIS  
> to be honest neither was I. this was supposed to be complete but then we got hagu being clutch as HELL and saaya...not being clutch...  
> gravity falls code skills why do you fail me
> 
> anyway im depressed have this. its 2 out of 3 cause i refuse to leave it like this
> 
> edit: im so fucking disappointed in yall. im editing the chapter because im just. what the fuck yall
> 
> double double edit: hh pulled a sike so fucking hard that im dumb and gay and i dont know how to resolve this. fuck me i guess. 2/2 for now i swear i love yall

Colors bled into her nails, her skin, her everything. But, it was okay.

The picture had to be perfect. If that meant the blue stained Hagumi’s skin and the purple bitten to stop the tears so they wouldn’t ruin it, then it was okay.

The colors ran when Hagumi looked at anything, now. Lisa-san’s brown hair faded into something more gray, weaker. Tomoe-san’s bright eyes were faded, dark circles underneath.

Hagumi wanted to run her hand across them, fix them, smooth out the creases and wear and tear, but it didn’t work.

They argued. Lisa-san yelled at Tomoe-san, and Hagumi said nothing. She wasn’t supposed to be the one who knew.  
  
Hagumi couldn’t keep secrets. Secrets about stabbing Yukina-san as she cried. Secrets that replayed themselves in her dreams until she woke up with wet cheeks, hugging the bear plushie Saaya had made.

When they finally decided on Lisa-san, Hagumi didn’t have anything to say.

She wanted to go back, to hug Lisa-san and hug Lisa-san and hug Lisa-san until she wouldn’t struggle any more, till she smiled again.

But Hagumi hadn’t figured out how to go back in time yet, so she gave a shaky smile.

“You’re not allowed to lose!” Hagumi said, and it felt like her pent up tears were spilling out of her mouth.

Her heart beat quicker, for a moment. Then it felt like dead silence.

~

Lisa-san put the gun to her temple and fired.

And she came back.

“Lisa-san! Lisa-san! You’re okay!”

For some reason, she didn’t look Hagumi in the eye.

~

Moca-chan came back, laughing and singing something Hagumi didn’t quite understand.

Even though there was something a bit vacant about her grin, she was happy.

Eve-san came back with a triumphant grin when Hagumi woke up, and told stories of her adventure all morning.

Even though there was something she was avoiding, she was happy.

So Hagumi was happy. Even though her heart beat faster.

~

Four out of five should have made her happy.

It didn’t.

Because it was a lie. It was four out of six.

~

Kokoro-chan dropped a glass two days later.

Ako-chin stared at the shards.

Lisa-san put an arm around her, but Ako-chin didn’t move.

Hagumi’s picture was almost full. And for some reason, holding onto Ran-chan, a tiny smile on her tiny sketched body, Moca-chan was there.

And for some reason, in the world of the picture

No one

could laugh

anymore.

~

Maya-san came back quickly. She was shaking, laughing a bit oddly with wide eyes.  
  
“I a-almost…I _saw_ the fire…”

Out of instinct, Hagumi grabbed Aya-senpai’s hand.

She had to hold on to someone, or they would slip through her fingertips.

~

And she definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely definitely definitely definitelydefinitelydefi

~

_“It’s...Hagumi’s card…”  
_

_She smiled._

“Hagumi.”

Her heart stopped for a second.

Hagumi wished her drawing would come alive. A braver, stronger, kinder Hagumi would jump up, and smile for everyone.

Instead, real Hagumi was looking Lisa-san in the eyes, and not a single word escaped her lips.

_“Okay! Hagumi will be back soon~”_

Kokoro-chan hugged Hagumi, talking about it being something cool and strong and physical. Hagumi nodded.

_“Be careful, Hagumi!”_

She looked back one last time.

Hagumi put on a smile.

After all, it’d be sad if they only remembered her being sad.

~

The floor collapsed, and Hagumi fell with it.

Two hands on the pole. And Hagumi hung.

She sang songs as she waited. She sang songs until her throat ran dry and her voice cracked with every word she spoke.

She kicked her legs. She kicked her legs until her feet almost slipped.

Hagumi looked down for a moment. She bit down on her lip.

Screaming couldn’t be the right answer.

She waited. She waited. She waited.

She sang again until she began to cough, her throat feeling like it was made of broken cement.

She thought of Kokoro-chan, of Saaya-san, of Lisa-san.

She pretended the pole was Kokoro-chan, and Hagumi hugged the pole.

The grooves dug into Hagumi’s hands until blood smeared across the red pole.

Hagumi eventually just decided to stop thinking.

One hour, two hours, three hours, four

Her hand slipped. Hagumi readjusted.

Five hours, six hours, seven hours, more

 

and Hagumi thought of nothing at all.

 

Then she let go.

 

Hagumi hit the ground, her back slamming into the hard pavement. She looked up.

“Aha...I guess I need to train more, huh…?”

The words didn’t feel right.

The ground cracked.

She fell again.

Slam.

“I guess I need to train more, huh..?”

The words didn’t feel right.

The ground cracked.

She fell again.

Slam.

“I need to train more.”

The words didn’t feel wrong.

The ground cracked.

She fell again.

Slam.

“I need to”

The words didn’t feel anything.

The ground cracked.

Hagumi fell into darkness, the void below her. She fell, and she fell, and she fell.

It felt like holding onto the pole. She thought of singing. She thought of kicking. She thought of thinking.

Then she thought of not thinking.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.  
  
Nothing.

 

N o t h i n g

 

Slam.

Hagumi looked up, but she could see herself. The void above her was a mirror, and she could see her own face, with vacant, hopeless eyes.

Her mouth moved.

“I”

The mirror image above her didn’t change, even as the red pole fell from the sky. It fell, and it fell, and it fell, and Hagumi lost herself in watching it.

It was nice to see something again.

It was nice to see the pole, stained in red.

It was nice to see her head tilted to one side, the light shade of red that colored the pole spilling out from her lips.

It was nice to see the pole had speared her through the neck.

Her mouth moved. A mechanical sound came from it. It whirred, like a broken toy.

“I’m s o r r y”

 

The floor gave out from under her.

And Hagumi fell with it.

Two hands on the pole. And Hagumi hung.

~

Hagumi woke up, her heart pounding so fast it felt as if it was going to rip itself out of her chest and fly away, like a little butterfly.

Burning tears pricked at her vision. Something else burning rose up in her throat.

Hagumi rubbed her neck.

She had saw it. She had _felt_ it.

She pressed both hands against her mouth. Any moment now, the red would spill out of her mouth like tears, like acid, like, like, like

“Help,” Hagumi cried as quietly as she could. “Help.”

Something unfamiliar wrapped her in an embrace, pulling her into the warm side of someone.

“...Saaya-san…?”

The light sound of breathing was the only response she got. Hagumi relaxed, putting her head down.

A distant, yet familiar heartbeat.

 _Thump. Thump. Thump_.

A heartbeat meant a lot. It meant life, and smiles, and a rhythm. Hagumi liked when she could feel her heartbeat pounding through her ears, ringing in her head. It kept time, like one, two, three.

But this...this was nice, too.

 _“You’re like a mom, Saaya!”_  
  
Kokoro-chan hadn’t made any sense. Saaya-san wasn’t like a mom. Saaya-san was soft, and warm, and comforting. Saaya-san was a wall between Hagumi and the darkness she had fell into. Saaya-san was safety.

Kokoro-chan let out a big snore, then snuggled up to Hagumi’s other side.

The bed was much too small for the three of them. But Hagumi...Hagumi didn’t mind.

She didn’t sleep. But the breathing, and the three heartbeats...it kept her time.

So Hagumi kept thinking.

Definitely. _Thump_ . Definitely. _Thump_ . Definitely. _Thump_.

~

She sang to herself only.

 

_Aside from you and me_

_If everyone else stopped existing_ _  
_ _It would be so nice_

 _If everyone else stopped existing_ _  
_ _It would be so nice..._

~

The next card drawn was Saaya-san’s.

Kokoro-chan smiled, just like she did when Hagumi had gone.

But Hagumi hadn’t seen the way her smile faltered.

This time, it was all she could focus on.

~

_Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump thump thump thump thump_

Hagumi was falling again, falling through nothingness.  
This time, there was no pole to grab, no floor to slam into. It was just an expanse of nothingness, stretching on and on. There was nothing more.

She tried to scream, but her voice cut out. Someone had changed the channel.

She sang instead. She didn’t want to sing, but she did.

 _There is nothing_ __  
_To be sad about at all_ __  
_But the small burn of sunset_  
_Pulls on my hand_

Stop, she wanted to say. Stop singing, please!

But her mouth moved, and the words came out with a whirr and the grinding of gears.

 _I don't know, I don't know, I don't know anything_ __  
_Neither the kindness after scolding_ __  
_Nor the warmth after rain_  
_But really, really, really, it's really cold_

Hagumi fell, and ice creeped up her skin. She was broken, she was failed, and broken toys aren’t held with warmth and with love.

No, no, no. They were cold.

Cold cold cold cold cold

A hot tear pricked her eye, but it never escaped.

She tried to speak, but she didn’t have a tongue to say the words.

The song continued on, a music box in her throat. It wound itself up, and Hagumi didn’t have the strength to stop it.

The music box in her throat - she couldn’t breathe. It had been there all along, but she only now noticed, metal closing up her throat until there was nothing left but cold, cold, cold bronze.

It made sense. Broken things didn’t talk.

They didn’t sing, either.

 _"I wish I could know your name"_ __  
_I'm sorry_ __  
_I have no name_  
_Not even a tongue_

And the music stopped.

I want it back, Hagumi wanted to cry. Give it back.

Because without the music

She was alone

With nothing except her thoughts

That

She

Couldn’t

Have

 

 _You won't stop, you won't stop, why won't you stop?_  
_Even though you'll be killed if found_  
_Two taboo children after the rain_  
_Were drawn into the sunset_  
_And_ **disappeared**

~

Hagumi woke up, ready to see red on her hands and her sheets and her skin and her everything, because something felt wrong, so wrong.

Red was about to spill from her lips, like if the colored pencil had cracked and released its color into the world, red painting lips and eyes and horrified faces.

No. No, there was red, but it was right in front of her.

“K-Kokoro-chan..?”

Kokoro-chan stood at the foot of Hagumi’s bed, two hands covering her mouth. She was painted, head to toe, in bright, shining red.

She was shaking, a small leaf falling into the void.

One step, two steps. Kokoro-chan walked closer and closer to Hagumi.

Hagumi reached out a hand.

Kokoro-chan continued to walk towards her. She left red footsteps behind. Hagumi couldn’t hear her own heartbeat.

“Help,” she cried again.

But this time, there was no one to listen.

Kokoro-chan reached out a hand to match Hagumi’s.

Hagumi’s fingertips brushed Kokoro-chan’s.

And she was gone.

Gone.

Gone.  
  
Gone.

Hagumi was alone, in the void.

The void was a bed. It was silence. It was the absence of a heartbeat.

The void was

Hagumi.

 _Thump_.

It was one heart instead of three.

~

_[Kokoro Tsurumaki has already selected herself.]_

And she came back.

 _[Kokoro Tsurumaki is dead.]_  
  
Again, and again, and again.

And her world was so, so red that Hagumi forgot the other colors of the rainbow.

Her tears were red, her words were red, her eyes were red, and everything was nothing, nothing but bright, horrible r e d.

~

 _Thump_.

Kokoro-chan was added to the picture.

Kokoro-chan smiled.

Kokoro-chan

said nothing

a t a l l

 

_“Let’s smile! So Chisato and Kaoru will be super happy!”_

_When did her smile start looking so fake?_

_Hagumi hoped she would be chosen next._

  

 


End file.
